Welcome!
Post your first paragraph as a comment, then check back to see what others have written and take a minute to comment on one or two of your classmates’ posts. In particular, check to make sure they have thesis statements and that they have chosen thesis statements that are specific enough for the assignment. A poor example of a thesis statement for this paper would be one that is too general such as: “The Civil War had a big impact on America.”
You will have an opportunity to revise your paragraph before submitting it on the final draft, so really take advantage of your classmates’ suggestions.
27 Comments
January 7, 2009 at 9:16 pm
On August 10, 1861, the brutal battle of Wilson’s Creek raged in Missouri, and bullets flew for hours on end. If the North had been able to get reinforcements, the North would have defeated the South. It was very important for the North and South to gain control over Missouri. “Bloody Hill” was the main setting for the battle, and even though the South won the battle, the North was still able to gain control over Missouri.
January 8, 2009 at 5:15 pm
The Union might have lost the war without Ulysses S. Grant. He was a smart general and was supposed to be one of the best tactical thinkers ever and eventually became president. His great tactical thinking has saved the Union from many defeats. He won at Forts Henry and Donnellson and at Gettysburg which were all big victories. Ulysses S. Grant was one of the most successful generals in the civil war and the union may have lost the war without him.
January 8, 2009 at 5:19 pm
The Andersonvolle Civil War Prison is the grave site of over 13,000 Union soldiers. This prison was a huge prison and was a terrible living condition. The prison had to be enlarged due to the amount of prisoners arriveng. Over 13,ooo prisoners died there due to mal nutrition and poor care. In order to keep so many peoople locked up, the prison was built of thick logs.
January 8, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Beth,
I like your paragraph but what is your thesis?
January 8, 2009 at 5:30 pm
If General Grant had won the battle at Shiloh, could the civil war ended sooner? Ulysses S. Grant was an excellent general, but his greatest mistake was the loss at Shiloh. General Grant did an excellent job at locations like Fort Henry and Fort Donnelson. The one key mistake he made was at Shiloh. The north still won, but Grant should have been more prepared at Shiloh.
January 8, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Greta, I love your paragraph, but I think that in the second sentance you could substitute they instead of using north twice. It was a little repetitive.
January 8, 2009 at 6:06 pm
William Sherman, a General that’s highly praised for an outstanding military record, but noted by his critics to have ,” An overactive imagination.” Sherman was also know for being the second best known commander in the 19th century. He failed as a business man and successfully became a harsh leader to his troops. No one knew if he had a family, some say his troops were his family. Once Sherman retired, everyone noted for his “absolute refusal to be drawn into politics”
January 8, 2009 at 6:34 pm
sorry-adding one more sentence-thanks for your comment Ellie, it does sound repetitive. I love your paragraph too, but you repeat that his main mistake was shiloh twice. It is awesome though!!!
ELizabeth, your paragraph is good too, but like ALexa said, you are missing your thesis. Also, be sure to include main topics in your essay map.
Alexa, I love your topic sentence, but I can’t find your thesis.
Greay, I like yours too, but your topic sentence is sort of like a thesis statement.
Okay here is my paragraph-
On August 10, 1861, the brutal battle of Wilson’s Creek raged in Missouri, and bullets flew for hours on end. If the North had been able to get reinforcements, they would have defeated the South. Missouri was important for the North and South, due to the issue of slavery. “Bloody Hill” was the main battle setting, and the struggle lasted more than five hours. Even though the South won the battle, the North was still able to overtake Missouri.
January 8, 2009 at 6:44 pm
For any man that had to suffer in this dump, i would hate to be them. Andersonville Prison was a horrible place and many people died. There was so much pain so much hopelessness and suffering.
January 8, 2009 at 6:48 pm
oh sorry need more!
For any man that had to suffer in this dump, i would hate to be them. Andersonville Prison was a horrible place and many people died. People made a cose to fight in the war to help but all that happened was sad deaths.I hope nothing like this ever happens again.There was so much pain so much hopelessness and suffering.
January 8, 2009 at 7:05 pm
There have been tons of generals in U.S. history. In the civil war, Ulysses S. Grant was the most important. Right when he was appointed general, he started winning battles for the Onion. Even when he lost a battle, the President (Lincoln) just couldn’t remove him, he did so well. And he made up for it by winning more important battles and defeating one of the South’s best Generals, Robert E. Lee. He also did important things as President. In battle or in the office, Grant did many good things for our country.
January 8, 2009 at 7:05 pm
CHARGE!!! This is something you might have heard granted you where at the first battle of Bull Run. The Battle of Bull Run is regarded as the first battle of the civil war.The Battle of Bull Run was a very bloody battle. The confederates called this the battle of Manassas and the second battle of Bull Run they call the battle of Bull Run. The First Battle of Bull Run was a bloody battle because so many soldiers participated, it started one of the bloodiest wars in American history, and both sides met because they were going to ambush each other.
January 8, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Oops. When I said the Onion, I meant the Union. Sorry. And Alexa, I like your paragraph, but what exactly is your thesis? I just saw some facts about Mr. Sherman. But that’s a good paragraph, well phrased and such.
January 8, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Chris that is a good paragraph but the end sounds like the end of the essay particularly the last sentence sounds like it would be a better sentence to close the essay with.
January 8, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Julia what is your thesis statement?
January 8, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Greta I like your paragraph
That battle sounds a lot like the battle i am writing about. Nice thesis. I have no other comments.
Chris I like your paragraph; however, try not to use the word, “things” as much. Also i believe you had one run-on, but other than that it was very good.
Alexa good use of quotes, they show your point well. Make sure your first sentence is complete, and I forgot do you need a source in parenthisis (SP) when you quote. Also what is your thesis???
January 8, 2009 at 8:16 pm
greta and alexa, my thsis statment was this prison was a huge prison and was a terrible living condition. Is that a decent one?
January 8, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Damon, where was your thesis statement. there were alot of things but they all seemed like facts, not and opinion.
Chris, I liked yours. I think the info in it was really good. In your final paper, just make sure you dont say onion.
January 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Beth my thesis statement was that bull run was a bloody battle
January 8, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Can you imagine being a starving soldier in battle? As said in Hunt’s Across Five Aprils “Hungry men can’t hold out for long. . .” (Hunt 34)., but Major Anderson’s troops held out for more than 35 hours in battle. Anderson’s leadership and the way Fort Sumter (Anderson’s base) was run was very effective, and with the proper provisions the troops could have possibly won the Battle of Fort Sumter. Anderson had a highly successful military career prier to the battle, and he was easily capable of leading a wining troop. Also the lack of supplies hurt the well trained soldiers who could have won other wise. The troops did: however, hold out for a very long time despite the lack of food and other necessities.
Across Five Aprils will be underlined
January 8, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Casey what is your thesis i can see multiple possibilities?
January 8, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Julia-Yours is really good, but I think you need to show just a little less of your opinion
Chris- your paragraph is awesome,just remember not to start your sentence with and
Casey-Love your paragraph! It is awesome!
Damon-I love your first sentence!
January 8, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Damon my thesis is “Anderson’s leadership and the way Fort Sumter (Anderson’s base) was run was very effective, and with the proper provisions the troops could have possibly won the battle of Fort Sumter.
Ellie, I love your paragraph, but I do agree with Greta that you say Shiloh a bit too much
other than that though i love it.
January 8, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Damon I have to agree with Greta your first sentence is very strong
January 8, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Wow Chris your paragraph was better than mine, you accurately gave a good brief description of U.S.G. civil war career.
January 13, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Ulysses S. Grant was a good presidant because of his braveryes S. Grant was the 18th president of the United States. He was president during the civil war. Being in charge of the nation during that huge war must be a huge burden on your shoulder. Being able to take that much responsibility takes a huge man.
Ulysses S. Grant was from the republican party. Also he was born and raised in Ohio. Something else that i truly admire about him was he was a civil war hero. He was born on April 27, 1822.
January 13, 2009 at 8:45 pm
hey casey i liked your thesis because it really made me think abouth how the soldiers felt and it put me in that situation as well so i just wanted to tell you that it made me think a lot.